How to Stop Being an Oversensitive Employee and Work with a Boss You Hate

By Alan Henry

Sometimes we have the pleasure of working with a manager we really like and respect, and who respects us too. Other times, the relationship isn't so great, and we have to deal with someone we can barely tolerate. Still, with the job market being what it is, you don't want to just quit every time you work for someone you don't get along with. Here's how to grow a thicker skin at the office and learn to deal with a boss you may not want to see every morning. 

Is Your Boss a Bad Person or Just a Bad Manager?

The first thing you need to figure out is whether your boss is a bad manager or a badperson. The former implies that he doesn't give you the direction, priorities, and guidance you need to succeed at your job. The latter is a highly subjective way of saying the two of you don't see eye-to-eye for personal reasons. If your boss is just a bad manager, you can functionally compensate for their issues with planning and structure. If your issue with your boss is one of personality, your job will require some perspective-checking on your part. Still, there are ways through both problems, but you're not going to make any headway at all if you're not clear on which issue you're facing.

Find Out If You're Part of the Problem

Here's a question you probably don't want to ask yourself: are you the problem here? Remember, everyone's the hero of their own story, and everyone believes they're the party in the right. Your manager is no different. Step back for a moment and ask yourself if you're contributing to the poor relationship.

On Careers notes that many frustrated employees may just be oversensitive to the criticisms and natural flow of their workplace. For example, if you're caught up in the tone or approach your boss uses to discuss things, you miss the message underneath. If you're simply reacting to your boss instead of responding to the issues they bring up, you're probably letting your emotional responses get the better of you.

We've discussed how to take criticism like a champ and without getting worked up over the tone or delivery. Focus on the message, and in this case the work, instead of your boss's personality. Try to separate your emotional response from the things that irritate you, and give your boss clear but professional feedback when they do things that make you uncomfortable. You're both adults, you can act like it. Choose your battles wisely, and understand that you both have to work together.

Differentiate "Like" and "Respect"

In the military, you don't get to choose your boss. You don't even get to just quit when you run up against someone you don't really like working for. You have to adapt, adjust, and find a way to figure out your differences and move on. Granted, working in a corporate IT department or helping customers on the sales floor isn't the same as being in the service, but you can take a few cues from our friends in uniform. Remember, you're not at work to make friends. It can be great to make friends at work, and you should try if you can, but you need to separate whether you like your boss from whether you can learn to respect their position. Photo by Tom Wang (Shutterstock).

We're not glossing over how difficult this can be. When About.com polled its readers asking what traits made someone a "bad boss," most of them had common refrains: their boss didn't respect them, or had never earned their respect. Their boss wasn't qualified to do their jobs, much less manage them. Their boss was terrible at communicating, or setting expectations or priorities. These are all difficult to overcome, but getting past them starts with at least respecting the fact that they're your manager. That doesn't mean accepting everything they do, or even respecting them as a person, but it does mean accepting and understanding that you have to work with this person somehow. The rest is small stuff you can work through.

What You Can Do By Yourself to Cope

Even if your job sucks, that doesn't mean you can't fix it. Let's start with ways you can manage yourself. Whether your issues with your boss are personal or professional, you can benefit from some simple coping mechanisms that will help you deal with a bad boss on your own. 

• Understand what stress does to you and how to fight it. If your boss stresses you out and makes you angry, you might benefit from simple office-friendly stress relief tricks like meditation, deep breathing for 10 seconds, or taking a walk to calm yourself before responding. If your boss is right in front of you and you're getting angry, try to intercept your emotional response and let them know you'll respond appropriately later. Whatever you do, separate the content of the message from its delivery. Focusing on the former is useful; focusing on the latter is a recipe for trouble.
• Keep a work diary or a paper trail of interactions with them. If your boss is sexist, racist, or makes you uncomfortable at work, a work diary can be a great tool if you need to report them to someone higher up, but in this case we'd suggest using it as catharsis. Writing down how you feel and how your interactions with your boss makes you stressed out goes a long way towards helping you cope. You can keep your thoughts private, enjoy the benefits of getting it all out, and go back to work.

• Find a mentor, or another manager you can look up to. A mentor, even a manager in another department, can often help you understand your boss's pressures and challenges in a non-threatening way. They may be willing to level with you in a way your boss isn't. Plus, while you may not be able to tell them everything, the whole point of having a mentor is to help you learn, grow, and develop your skills—which include working with difficult people. 

• Draw bright lines between your work and your life. Get a hobby outside of work. Exercise. We discussed how bad bosses can follow you home, and some of the best coping mechanisms you can muster are the ones that force you to remember and enjoy what you're working those long hours for in the first place. Spend time with family and loved ones, and make sure to fiercely protect your personal time away from work. Set your boundaries, and go to bat for them when you have to. Keep your relationship with your boss in its little box until you have to deal with it and enjoy living your life.

All of these coping mechanisms are things you can do for yourself to help improve your mindset. We're not getting into the "It's not fair that I have to learn to cope while my boss can continue being a jerk" battle. Like we said, we're all adults here, and we're all professionals. The moment you get stuck in that bean-counting, tit-for-tat mindset where "why should I have to do anything," it's over. We don't always get to choose who we work with—sometimes you just have to suck it up and work with what's in your power to change.

What You Can Do With Your Boss to Repair Your Relationship

Now that you have some tools to work on yourself, it's time to work on your boss and peel back some of those layers that you hate. With luck, you'll find something you can work with. Here are some suggestions to help.

• Get closer to your boss. If your boss's problem is that they don't communicate, or set priorities or expectations for the work they assign you, get in good and close with them. Meet with them regularly—even offer to schedule the meetings yourself—to discuss those priorities and the things you're working on. Yes, those meetings could result in even more work, but wouldn't you rather get it every Wednesday at 3pm when you're talking work anyway than on Friday at 4pm when it's due before the end of the day? Plus, setting a time where you can talk about work gives you the opportunity to push back and ask your boss what can come off your plate to make room for the new stuff you have to do.
• Learn to "manage up" and give constructive criticism without sounding like a jerk. Like we mentioned earlier, you and your boss are both adults and you're both professionals. Unless your boss is both a bad manager and a bad person, they'll understand a little constructive criticism from time to time, especially if you deliver it properly. Let them know what about their behavior and demeanor is getting under your skin. Come armed with suggestions that might improve your relationship too—telling them you hate when they talk to you isn't helpful. Asking them to pull you aside to talk privately when they have a concern or asking them "What can I/we do to make this work better," is helpful.
• Work with your boss's skills and on his/her priorities. The fact is that the most qualified people for a job don't always get it. Sometimes a manager is brought in from another department because they're owed a favor, or because the company couldn't find someone to fill a role. Sometimes you'll have an engineer leading a team of project managers, or vice versa. Get familiar with your boss's background and see how you can relate on common ground. While you're at it, find out what their priorities for your team are, and who your boss works hardest for. That should give you some insight on what you should be paying attention to and who's projects are most important to your boss. A surefire way to take the heat off is to work on your boss's priorities first. 

• Don't just be an employee, be your boss' assistant. Use your one-on-one time with your manager to discuss upcoming priorities as well. Don't leave any excuse for you to not know what your boss is working on, or what rumors or rumblings your boss may be privy to that will have an effect on your workload. We're big fans of the weekly review. Bring your boss in on it as well, or schedule one just for the two of you. If you have a small team, suggest to your boss that you all spend a short time each week clarifying priorities and talking about what's on everyone's shared plates. Doing so will get your boss communicating with you in a group setting, and take some of the sting out of their poor managerial skills. Photo by Riza Nugraha.
• Solve problems and propose solutions as a way to get revenge. It's often said that living well is the best revenge, so flip the problem on its head and kill your boss with kindness and productivity. If your boss makes you upset, treat them like a bully: Don't give them the satisfaction of a reaction—instead give them exactly what they're supposed to want in their role: a solution to the issue they've brought up. Solve your work problems, take credit for them, and then let them know the good work you've done (make sure to do it in that order so they can't steal your thunder.) Take the initiative, and make yourself appear to be your boss's peer to your colleagues and customers, not their subordinate. The best way to do this, of course, is to do great work. Let your bad boss transform you into a better employee.

If the problem with your boss is that they're a bad manager, sometimes using personal leverage and common ground to get around their managerial problems is the best way for you—and for them—to succeed. After all, part of working for someone is to help cover their butt—if you prove to your boss that you're interested in doing this, they'll be more willing to work with you. If the problem is personal, sometimes getting close enough so you grow on one another is the key to breaking the wall between you. Working on the same priorities towards a common goal can melt even the thickest ice. Remember, you're on the same team here.

If All Else Fails, You Know What To Do

If nothing else works, quit. Sometimes all of the common ground, shared priorities, coping mechanisms, and de-stressing techniques can't heal the rift between you and a bad boss. That said, don't just quit at the first sign. It's easy to say "your boss sucks, get out of there" when you're good at being employed, or if you're someone who's already employed talking to someone who loves their job but hates their manager. Sometimes it's worth it to try and work it out, and working it out takes effort and time. Give it a try first. 

If that doesn't work though, it might be time to look for something else. If you love your company, see if you can find another opening in-house you can transfer to. That comes with its own risks, but it may be worth doing to stay where you love the work. Otherwise, make a graceful exit. Granted, there's no guarantee that you won't wind up in a new job with a new boss you hate, so plan carefully and make sure to check yourself before doing anything rash. Worst case, maybe you're just not cut out to work for someone else, and you should consider working for yourself or starting your own business. In both cases, you get to work for yourself, and if you boss still sucks after that, you have a real problem.

The photographs above show how residents of Makoko, a slum neighborhood located in Lagos, western Nigeria, go through tough conditions to survive life.

At present, Makoko population is considered to be 85,840; however, the area was not officially counted as part of the 2007 census and the population today is considered to be much higher.

This community was established in the 18th century primarily as a fishing village, much of Makoko rests in structures constructed on stilts above Lagos Lagoon of Nigeria.

Today the area is essentially self-governing with a very limited government presence in the community and local security being provided by area boys.

In July 2012, Nigerian government officials destroyed dozens of residences after giving residents 72 hours notice of eviction. One resident was killed in the action. Lagos may continue the destruction of this historic community in order to redevelop what is now seen as prime waterfront.

The story that began the “Naomicreateslife” vision

What do you do when you are called by a pregnant woman that you should come and have sex with her and give her money in exchange for that act? This was what I was faced with back in 2012 as I was on evangelism in one of the suburbs part of Ijora, Lagos State of Nigeria.

My immediate response was to jump into action - to do something, do anything! But what? Ministering of Christ Jesus unto that same woman (whom was a Harlot)…………………………………..

I later got some other brethren involved along into this great project.

“There are complex issues that contribute to a girl being vulnerable to prostituting - factors such as poverty, abuse, trickery and deception, unemployment and addiction often leading to desperation in the family." While a child's tragic journey into prostitution is sometimes due to a family's financial struggle, many families are lured or tricked into thinking their children are being offered a legitimate job or an opportunity for education. "But once trapped in this world of unspeakable evil, they are held captive against their will, and threatened with violence, are soon imprisoned in a world of unimaginable pain and degradation ... I say repeatedly but It's NOT OK!"

“A woman with an education may be able to spend more time sitting in a chair instead of lying on her back. A sound advantage, I should think.” ― Anne Bishop,

My Vision

·         Creating a Home

·         Reintegration

·         Family assistant Programmes

HOW DO I HELP

"Safety and security don't just happen, they are the result of collective consensus and public investment. We owe our children, the most vulnerable citizens in our society, a life free of violence and fear." – Late Nelson Mandela

 #Education

Our goal is that every lady would be educated, through reading and writing and being able to communicate effectively through English competently.  For many of older girls, we will consider it important, for them to enter into vocational training, to continue their education in being able to read and write.

#Vocational Training

#Therapeutic Services

Each girl within this Rescue Home will have a regular contact with a counselor and social worker. These will form an essential relationship in their healing and restoration journey. All girls in this home will receive a minimum of weekly counseling when they first arrive, and this may be reduced to three-weekly during their time in our care. Counseling services continue even once a girl is safely reintegrated back to her family.
Our counselors will provide specific trauma therapy for every girl, along with being a person who the girl can share about their day, their relationships, their family, and their fears.

#Medical

All girls in this Home will receive regular medical care, including vaccinations, dental, optical, and any other necessary care.

"I was raped at the age of 9" - Oprah Winfrey

"I didn't even complete my university education" - Bill Gates

"I was sexually, mentally, emotionally and verbally abused by my father as far back as I can remember until I left home at the age of eighteen" - Joyce Meyer

"I struggled academically throughout elementary school" - Dr. Ben Carson

"I used to serve tea at a shop to support my football training" - Lionel Messi

"I used to sleep on the floor in friends' rooms, returning Coke bottles for food, money, and getting weekly free meals at a local temple" - Steve Jobs

"My teachers used to call me a failure" - PM Tony Blair

"I was in prison for 27 years" - Retired President Nelson Mandela

Though we pass through many difficulties in life, we should not give up because life is not about what you couldn't do so far, it's about what you can still do. Decide to be UNSTOPPABLE. That's who you are!

Jeremiah 29:11 GOD’S WORD Translation (GW)
I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.

Jeremiah 29:11 The Message (MSG)
I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

SEED OF DISCORD

 

How could Rebecca wife of Isaac and the sister of Laban sown seed of discord between two brothers who happened to be her own children?

Woman, Woman, Woman, you need to check yourself because this same attitude that was seen in Rebecca's life had  become common phenomenon amongst women nowadays. (Having soft spot for one child above others.)

How could it have been Rebecca (their Mother) that plotted the whole act and later sold such idea to Jacob her loved son?

Jacob did not initially had that idea because the scripture showed that he (Jacob) was afraid (Gen.27: 6-11 NIV “Rebekah said to her son Jacob, “Look, I overheard your father say to your brother Esau, ⁷ ‘Bring me some game and prepare me some tasty food to eat, so that I may give you my blessing in the presence of the Lord before I die.’ ⁸ Now, my son, listen carefully and do what I tell you: ⁹ Go out to the flock and bring me two choice young goats, so I can prepare some tasty food for your father, just the way he likes it. ¹⁰ Then take it to your father to eat, so that he may give you his blessing before he dies.”

¹¹ Jacob said to Rebekah his mother, “But my brother Esau is a hairy man while I have smooth skin. ¹² What if my father touches me? I would appear to be tricking him and would bring down a curse on myself rather than a blessing.”)

Through this act of hers, Rebecca created enmity between the two sons, which later took Jacob into hiding away from his senior brother Esau for over 20yrs and thereby caused his mother not see him till her death. Hmm, what a life?

Are you doing the same thing right now Woman/Man?

If, I wish to let you know that such act normally results into negativity and which does not last long.

Take Heed and REPENT NOW……….

15 Ways to Live Life Fully - by Evelyn

Do you realize the full potential of life, and of all of its miracles, great and small?

Or do you simply take for granted the wonder that is everywhere, all around you?

The above quote, spoken first by Albert Einstein, speaks to the essence of what it means to live life fully. To miss out on all the wonder will be a pity. It happens when you become caught in the emotional content of your daily dramas, frustrations and pain. You are not able to step aside and appreciate what you already have or what the world has to offer to you.

Everyday, there are miracles occurring all around.

The earth hangs in the balance of space,
the heart beats within the human,
a child is born in the womb of its mother,
the birds fly in a beautiful dance,
a rosebud blossoms,
a radiant rainbow lights up the sky after a thunderstorm,
and more.

Are these the miracles that you are able to see everyday? I experienced a shift ever since I made the decision to view life as a gift. In a way, it is a matter of perspective. You make a choice. By making the decision to view life as a miracle. In so doing, you find that you are able to experience joy even in the simplest things. You are able to breathe into each moment and enjoy the fullness in the here and now.

Are you Living your Life to the Fullest?

On a scale of one to ten, how fully are you living your life?

An honest appraisal can open your eyes to changes that you need to make. If you gave yourself a low score, it is probably time to start making some of those changes.

Keep in mind that the only thing standing in your way is you. In order to live life to the fullest you need not be able to climb Mount Everest or sky dive off some South African cliff. Instead, you must learn to make the most out of what you are given, to look for and embrace the small miracles in your every day life.

Here are 15 ideas to get you started.

How to Live Life Fully

1. Start with the Mirror Test. I find that I am saying this over and over again but it warrants repetition: if you are engaged in negative self-talk when you look in the mirror, you cannot claim to be living life fully. Negative self-talk patterns such as self-criticism, self-deprecation and self-judgment hold you back from being the person that you fully can be.

So start by eliminating negative self-talk. It does you no good. Instead, realize that you are a miracle and that you are deserving of living a life that is full, rich and complete.

2. Appreciate everything. The roof over your head, the car that you drive, the person that shares your life. We become accustomed to so many things, and so we take things for granted. Sometimes life shows us what would happen when these things are taken away from us. However, we do not need such events to happen before making the decision to appreciate everything.

3. Be in touch with beauty. Beauty is all around you. When was the last time you make a point to notice it? The next time something strikes you as beautiful, try to stop and take a picture. Consider creating a “wall of beauty” somewhere in your home. Over the next month, try to cover the whole wall with the beautiful things you’ve experienced in life.

4. Start a miracle journal. Make a note of the incredible, wonderful and miraculous things that happen to you everyday. Write each thing that happens in your notebook. Take the time to re-read your journal monthly. Remind yourself each and every day that your life is full of miracles.

5. Create an environment that reflects positive energy. This can mean anything from fresh flowers on the table to inspiring artwork on the wall. It will only take you a moment to stop and look at these. Surround yourself with things that will help to remind you to live your life to the fullest.

6. Be spontaneous. Some of the greatest moments in life are unplanned. Spontaneity shows a willingness to allow destiny to guide your path. Great things can happen when you are willing to allow and accept life’s little surprises, openly and eagerly. So seize the moment!

7. Be in charge of your own happiness. Don’t let other people’s fears affect you. Avoid toxic relationships that do not serve you. Accepting responsibility for your own feelings gives you power over them. From the moment it is all up to you, you become empowered to take charge of the way that you experience life.

Since you are responsible for how you feel, you know that you have the power to feel good or to feel bad, as you choose. Today you can choose to feel good, regardless of what is going on externally.

8. Breathe into the moment. Yesterday is gone; dwelling on the past can only rob you of what this moment has to offer. On the other hand, tomorrow may never come, hence worrying and obsessing over what it might bring is useless. Whenever you find your mind getting caught up with the past or the future, bring your awareness to your breath.

Being here in the moment, however, gives you the opportunity to experience life fully and completely, in whatever way you choose, right now. Begin by bringing awareness to your breath, through meditation.




9. Say yes to adventures. Life is to be savored, with its buffet of options. I don’t know about you but I seldom feel bored. I am always on an adventure, whether with a new creative project, sport, undertaking, class or energy healing modality. If anything, I feel rejuvenated when there is something new to learn.

10. Create a bucket list. So you do have a dream to climb Mount Everest or go cliff diving? Well, everyone has a list of different things they want to do before they die. If you want to live life without regrets, create a bucket list with the items that you absolutely would love to do. Pick one or two seemingly impossible item and make a vision board for it.

11. Go for Mind-Body-Spirit Wellness. You cannot exactly be living life to the fullest if you are neglecting one important aspect of your life. It is all about having a certain balance. You undertake self-care in all three aspects of mind-body-spirit. Find ways to restore the balance into your life.

12. Work towards Work-Family Balance. Not just for the self, there is an external healthy work-family life balance that you need to strike and maintain. Don’t neglect the needs of your family for work. The Chinese has this saying: a family in harmony will prosper in everything. I have found it to be true because it can be hard to work effectively whenever there is some major conflict going on at home.

13. Go for your Dream. What is your one-consuming heart desire? Is it to find a soul mate, a passion that you can turn into a business or a healthy loving family? Look inside and connect with it. Create a heart-centered vision, make a vision board and go for it!

14. Live with Purpose. A sense of purpose gives your life greater meaning. You know what you are here to do. You become activated every morning by your sense of purpose. Purpose is about your contribution to the world. You are aware that you can make a difference to the lives of people around you.

15. Live from the heart. I cannot imagine a life being full without experiencing true love. Love is the one thing we all are able to give, regardless of age, race, gender, economic status or any other thing.

 

 

 

 

 

                    Where are the David of Our Time?

Multiple times in the Bible David is recognized as a man who followed God and was sensitive to the leadership of God in his life. We first learn about who David would become when God rejected Saul’s reign and said that He would give the kingdom to a neighbor of Saul’s who was a better man (I Samuel 15). At the time God said this to Saul through Samuel, David was only a boy of 8 to 12 years old. God knew that though David was young, he would grow up to be a man in tune with God’s heart and plan for Israel.

David wrote many of the Psalms that we cherish. This was not because David never had problems. David wrote many of those precious poems in the midst of trouble. Yet, David knew that his strength came from God. We enjoy his writings today because he was a man who knew how to lean on the Lord during times of adversity. What he wrote in Psalms about trusting the Lord is applicable to us today.